Last month, for the first time in over 5 years, I was officially back in the movie business, if only for few days. My friend Joeprops was in Atlanta, having taken over as propmaster of The Vampire Diaries. After completing a few small graphics jobs Joe pitched me on cool new project: illustrating a prop journal that one of the characters was slated to find in an upcoming episode (now known as “The Turning Point“, which aired on November 19, 2009). After thinking about the job for a day I agreed to have a whack at the drawings and spent the following weekend studying old woodcuts, peering through antiquated investigations of human anatomy, prying into the secret code of the Philosopher’s Stone, learning the vagaries of pentagrams, and generally trying to inhabit the mind of the book’s fictional author.

Next, I dug up my collection of Speedball inking nibs and a jar of good old-fashioned black ink and started in to drawing. Each drawing was done without penciled-in sketches – it’s just straight from the pen to the paper, just like in my real sketchbooks. I’m not a commercial artist, but neither was “Jonathan Gilbert” the character who supposedly created the drawings, and I thought the book’s drawings should feel genuine, not overly art directed (which is actually art direction in itself).

The prop department did some light aging to the pages but the grownups wanted them to look much older, so we employed my personal favorite method of aging paper which involves a strong brownian solution, a simple newtonian time machine and good timing. Out of all the pages we treated there was only one mishap – one of my ancient vampire curses lingered too long in our secret aging device and began smoldering with the hate of a thousand slain vampires until we doused it in the sink…. for the next 30 minutes every person who walked through the break room remarked on the lingering scent of charred vampire poop.

That’ll sure make your eyes water.

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I understand that my pals The Cardboard Troopers had a wild time this past weekend. They arrived in Atlanta for the 2009 edition of Dragon*Con, but they couldn’t actually seem to find a trace of the convention and the hotel people kept looking at them funny. I sure hope that they come back for the 10:00am parade on Saturday, they always seem to enjoy that.

Which reminds me that last month the Fall issue of the Georgia Tech Alumni Magazine hit the stands and I was simultaneously delighted (97%) and mortified (3%) to read the article about me that staff writer Van Jensen composed after we met prior to my surgery this summer. Entitled “How Did That NERD on the Left Become That PIRATE on the Right?“, the article does a really nice job of catching people up with the kid who won the Batman contest back in the 80s… and the second page features a certain cardboard trooper standing in front of a line of “real” troopers at Dragon*Con.

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Be sure to visit the full photo gallery of this Tolkien ring box on Flickr, and don’t miss the rPhone™ while you’re there!

The runic lettering is from Tolkien’s transliterated English alphabet, and the rune that looks like the letter ‘S’ actually DOES stand for the English letter ‘S’…. which is great because it’s also the letter on the button that opens the secret compartment on the top of the box. This is great because ‘S’ stands for ‘Sauron’…. see?? And…. if you look in the video you can see that the ‘S’ rune button does poke out a bit more than the other keys, but that’s just because I got lazy and didn’t adjust back into place before shooting the video.

I built this thing in the early 90s, long before the Peter Jackson film series debuted. Pretty cool, huh?

And Peter? This isn’t for sale!!

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Dumb & Dumberer - 433 photos
The Playboy Grotto from ‘Dumb & Dumberer’:

Sweet Home Alabama – 267 photos
I don’t know why girls think that Patrick is so hot… what’s up with that?!!

Run Ronnie Run – 11 photos
Ronnie Dobb’s friend Clay was always getting himself into trouble!!

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1. Open Firefox.
2. Put both of your hands onto your keyboard in their proper “home” positions.
3. Slide your LEFT hand one key to the RIGHT –>
4. Think of a search term/phrase and begin to type.
5. See what begins showing up in the pop-up window of recent Google search terms that match what you’ve typed.
6. If a list of interesting looking links shows up move your mouse down and click on one. If nothing much good shows up, hit the backspace key and try another set of search terms.

Try it, it’s FUN!!!!

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As a sort of opensource document for the construction industry, the website provides an in-depth explanation of the technical specifications and practices proscribed by George and represents the leading edge of project delivery in the United States.

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Laura’s ardor for New Urbanism and Smart Growth drew her into circles with scholars, advocates and luminaries from those communities and we soon grew familiar with running into people like Andres Duany in the hallway. Every so often we’d be whisked off to some spot around Atlanta to participate in design charettes for planned communities on the outskirts of Atlanta.

One of those charettes took place in the conference room of a bed and breakfast named Serenbe, outside of the sleepy rural community of Palmetto, 25 miles southwest of Atlanta. Laura invited me and fellow Tech classmate Magnus Nilsson to join her on a Saturday with the owners of Serenbe, Marie and Steve Nygren, who told us the story of Serenbe and shared their vision for the many hundreds of acres they hoped to develop into a series of adjoining communities, villages really, that would respond to their own vision of an agrarian oasis outside the hustle and bustle of the increasing urbanization of Atlanta and its surrounding exurbs.

Leading the charette was a professor from a school out west, possibly from Washington State (Laura, can you remember his name?). Also in attendance was businessman Charles Brewer, who was in the midst of moving from internet megastar to real estate developer. Over the course of the day we broke into teams, developing the character of individual village clusters; their individual characteristics, the way they related to the other villages, how they’d be affected by the nuances of landscape and geography, their construction types and their amenities.

It was great fun, good concepting sessions are a delight.

And it’s true, isn’t it? Regardless of how far out a citified person moves into the country, he’s going to miss the certain aspects of his life in a bigger metropolis: things like a good coffee house, an art gallery, a bookstore. The little delights.

Over the years since that charette I put Serenbe out of mind because I never honestly expected it to happen. When Steve took us for a ride out across the property to experience the rise and fall of the land, to better understand this place we were imagining, I failed to believe that such a development could be created. Then about a month ago Todd Sayre (of my cardboard squadron) mentioned a self-sustaining community called ‘Serenbe’ to me. It was a great surprise to hear him mention that name. It was a faraway and mostly forgotten place in my mind. It was an even greater astonishment to find out that the villages were actually out of the ground and beginning to be occupied.

So today, deep in the throes pondering where I can afford to buy (or build) a house around Atlanta, I hopped into my older car and went to discover the reality of a built Serenbe.

Tucked away in the bosom of the Chattahoochee Hill Country Conservancy, the first thing you see when you arrive at the new Serenbe community (via Selborne Lane) is a large, handsome building that I first mistook to be a community center or possibly a very unusual school.

It turns out that it’s a very nice community stable. A market is slated to go up across from the stable one day, according to the PDF masterplan on Serenbe’s website.

Moving deeper into the development, you begin to encounter trails that cross the road along raised speed bumps. A cluster of cottage homes is the first sign of residences and honestly looked no different to me than other upscale communities that I’ve been through in the past. But, as you follow Selborne Lane down and around the snaking road you arrive at an avenue of homes that were strangely reminiscent of the town of Spectre, from the film “Big Fish“. It would be interesting to get some of you who worked on that show to visit that part of Serenbe to see if it reminds you of that set (since you created the ‘real’ Spectre).

At the end of Serenbe’s ‘Spectre’ the road takes a hairpin curve and begins to climb. I noted an art gallery and with heightened excitement, a shop called the Blue-Eyed Daisy Bakeshop. The streets were quiet and I continued driving, hoping to see something that would orient me to the empty woods and landing strip from our brief tour from that long-ago charette.

Cresting the hill I was surprised to see the asphalt run out into a dirt road leading across a field. Just beyond was a little pond that looked very familiar. Ahead of me a car crossed the dam and pulled to the side of the road, a woman and children piling out to call a friendly grazing horse over to see them. A bearded goat bounded along beside me. Then I saw it, beyond the horse, over the hill…. Serenbe, the bed and breakfast. I continued to the top of the hill then turned around to drive back to their new community. The Nygrens wouldn’t remember me, and I certainly couldn’t afford to buy a place in their growing city, it was time to go home.

Before I left I pulled up to the curb outside the ‘Daisy in my old beater (why didn’t I at least drive my nice Accord??). Stepping inside, I ordered a mocha and a chocolate chip cookie. I greeted an older couple who were probably residents, and I wondered how out of place I looked.

With fancy coffee and cookie in hand I stepped outside and walked past another couple people who might have been the Havertys, co-founders along with the Nygrens. I’m pretty sure the man was wondering who was driving that little scooter in their town, the way he was looking at my car.

But I didn’t care: I was sipping my coffee and eating my cake.

What d’you think about that, Chuck?

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Before we begin I need to review the rules of Cardboard Costuming, namely:

The Fundamental Rule of Cardboard Costumes
If your cardboard costume looks really nice, you’ve done it really wrong. Your costume must look as though it were ripped from the inside of a garbage compactor. It should have strange, upside down logos. It should be hastily taped together with obvious seams, obvious mends and similar errors of construction. Basically: it should look thrown away.

Kids, get your parents and/or legal guardians to help you make your Chewboxxa costume because you shouldn’t play with sharp box cutters without adult supervision.

The Body
To build your Chewboxxa costume you’re going to need a rather large box, preferably a tall appliance box (in relation to your own size). If your first thought is “I know! I’ll use a refrigerator box!” you’re on the right track, but stop and think for a second: surely your body isn’t wide enough for your arms to comfortably poke out of the sides of a refrigerator box. Imagine how uncomfortable that would be. Consider taking a box that’s tall then cutting it open along one side then refolding it so that it keeps the height but reduces the side-to-side, front-to-back width. Arm comfort is always paramount when you’re wearing cardboard.

The Head
Booxiees are really, really tall. It follows then that their heads should be really, really way up their body, near the top… probably higher up than your own head. But what makes Booxiees funny is the fact that their head is part of their body, they don’t have a neck!

The Face
All you need to do is worry about your Booxiee’s face so go ahead and cut out some good looking eye holes way up above where your head will actually be. Your Booxiee’s intelligence will be inferred by its eyes. If they’re really close together it will look stupid. If they’re far apart it will look creepy and slow. I recommend trying different sized eyes and you should never, ever make the eyes square and even. Asymmetry is the window to a cardboard costume’s soul! Have fun with the mouth, which should be drawn with a fat, black marker.

Operator’s Vision
For you to actually see out of your costume you’re going to need to cut out some “practical” eye holes at the level at which your eyes will actually be located inside the costume. Better yet, I recommend that you cut a thin horizontal slit all the way across the front of your box, that way you’ll have a really good view of everything in front of you and the line might be lost to casual viewers in the cuts and folds and patches that make up your costume.

The Legs
The box should come down so far over your legs that you only need to create cardboard “spats” that cover your legs from the knee to the ankle. This should simply be a square cardboard tube big enough to slide over your lower leg. Do it with your shoes off then put your shoes back on. This will “lock” the spats in place on your leg.

The Arms
I’m going to do a write-up about how to make good cardboard arms in a later post. For now take a look at the drawing and you’ll get the basic idea.

The Bandolier
For a really “showy” look you might consider using Chocolate Pop-Tart boxes taped into place. But if you’re in a pinch why not just bend and fold your own clips and tape them in place. Remember, nothing on your costume should be glued on. A good cardboard costumer will always have a roll of duct tape with them, ready to be patched at any time. If your costume begins this way you won’t be surprised when something falls off and you’ll be much better prepared to repair yourself when the time comes.

Remember the Point!!!
This is to have fun! If you’re busy worried about tearing or staining your costume then you can’t have fun. Go on, eat, drink and spill all over your Booxiee costume, it’ll only get better!!!

I’d love it if some of you would like to post your comments below suggesting other costumes you’d like me to illustrate in subsequent posts leading up to September. I feel that this provides a valuable service to the fan community.

* Cardboardish: a term first identified by Alfeo “Lightspeed” Dixon, the “caution tape” trooper from 2006.

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Once again I highly recommend the QuickStart Visual Guide and the QuickStart Visual Pro Guide to get up and running.

Oh, and set aside a month or two because it’s going to take some time!

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I began the artwork for Joe’s packaging over a year ago so I understand just a little bit of the long and winding road he took toward getting his “sticky stuff” to market. This holiday season when you’re in Restoration Hardware be sure to pick up a tin!

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DAY ONE
Alfeo, Elliott and I suited up in the parking garage of the downtown Atlanta Hilton on Saturday morning and headed upstairs to begin walking down to Woodruff Park. I was bitching everyone out, telling them to hurry up. That went over famously.

Exiting the elevator, I figured that the first 20 people we ran into would provide us with a good idea of how we’d be received elsewhere for the rest of the day. We were particularly worried that the “real” stormtroopers would take demonstrable umbrage at our cardboard costumes, which was never my intent.

At first people didn’t even notice us. There are lot of costumes at DragonCon and you can only see so many at once. In fact, they’re so common that you kind of stop seeing them at all after awhile, especially the stormtroopers since they all look so similar (unless you’re in the 501st and know your friends by the details and insignia of their suits). The only costumes that really grab my attention are the T&A costumes, and that’s just instinct at work.

When people DID notice us they’d be confused for a split second then they’d get a “Oh no you dih-en!” look on their face and bust out grinning. The girls especially loved us because we were “cute”… but you know that I get that a lot already.

We hit the street for a 4 or 5 block hike south to the mustering point of the parade. Consulting with Alfeo, I suggested that we take a street that runs parallel to Peachtree to avoid too many people seeing us. It was a good shake-down hike, to see what parts of our costumes wanted to fall off. As we passed two restaurant workers at a crosswalk, one of them yelled to the other “Hey James, ain’t them the boxes you threw in the dumpster?”

Good sign.

The next street down a guy whipped his car over to the curb on the opposite side of the street from us and jumped out to snap our photos. He didn’t get it right the first time so he turned and ran down his sidewalk away from us then turned to get another. Nope, not right yet. He turned, ran, then crossed the street to get over where he could get a clean shot of us as we clumped down the street toward him. At the next corner we turned and saw the crowd of parade participants and went up to join the Star Wars division.

There were a lot of smiles and helpful directions to where the real stormtroopers had gathered. Upon our arrival several people approached us for photos. Then more people. Then more.

Alfeo and Elliott had a view of the line of stormtroopers behind me and were getting antsy because the guys in the trooper uniforms looked like they were trying to decide what they thought about us. But then one of the folks (Ian) in Imperial officer’s garb walked over and put us in the proper place for people who don’t belong to any of the official fan organizations like the 501st. After that we were much more relaxed. Todd, who is ALWAYS on the lookout for the cheapest solution, had parked somewhere west of the hotel and made his way down to join us 20 minutes before the parade kicked off.

When it was finally our turn to march the route we fell into place, four abreast. As we drew near to the convention hotels the crowds grew larger, as did their response to us. I think I speak for everyone when I say that it felt like we were astronauts in a tickertape parade. Every so often we’d break into an action pose and the cameras would go crazy.

It seemed to take forever and by the time we were two thirds of the way to the end I was ready to take a break, driven on by pure adrenaline. I’m sure that’s the way it felt for EVERY person in the parade, which is what makes it so fun for everyone. The air-conditioned comfort of the hotel is a great reward to people who’ve just taken a fast half mile walk wearing heavy costumes so there were a lot of hot, happy people at the end.

Over the course of the day we were continuously met by enthusiastic reactions and by the afternoon had decided that we should sign up for the costume contest, well, at least the other guys had definitely decided. I was nervous about doing it, but led the guys down to the signup area and we were given our ribbons, a tech sheet and told when to report back on Sunday. Soon afterward we de-boxed and headed off to other appointed rounds.

Day Two
We met in the parking garage in the early evening to get dressed for our final foray into DragonCon as cardboard stormtroopers and again I was bitching at everyone to hurry up. We were already running late as we piled out of the elevator into the lobby of the Hilton and were again slowed down as people shouted for our photographs. Once you’ve been photographed a couple hundred times you learn how to hit your marks quickly so it took less than fifteen minutes to get up to the Hyatt and into the prep area for the masquerade.

Once we’d been assigned a “den mother” we settled in to wait our turn onstage. We had talked about needing some sort of choreography but we hadn’t actually planned anything. Elliott suggested that we work something up and everyone set in to arguing about what we should do, which was really silly because the entire idea BEHIND the cardboard stormtroopers was low rent. At one point we had all agreed to end our act with each trooper doing a supermodel catwalk off the stage, which was discarded when Elliott questioned it closer to show time. Being backstage with the other costume contestants was fun and chummy; one of the ladies from Netherworld came over and painted glitter polish on the gold tooth in the smile of Alfeo’s cardboard helmet.

Back in 2003 when I was nearing the conclusion of my screenplay “Love & The Dragon” I distilled the spirit of every sci-fi costume contest I’d ever attended into the finale, but only from the point of view of an audience member, since I’d never actually been a contestant. To find myself standing in the footsteps of my fictional characters was an unexpected thrill that has already started shaping this fall’s planned rewrite.

I think the reason that I was a bit nervous about doing the contest was that I didn’t want to get out there and find the experience less than what it had been in my screenplay. I didn’t want to be disillusioned about the experience and thus about the work I needed to do to the screenplay.

I shouldn’t have been so worried.

As we stood queued on a ramp just offstage, separated from the audience by a sheer black curtain, I momentarily slipped out of myself and into the world of my screenplay. Even though we couldn’t see the audience from behind the black curtain, and even if we hadn’t heard them out there laughing and clapping for the dancing hippo onstage, we could feel them out there. At that moment I understood that the film must capture the presence of a Con audience because they’re as important to a costume contest as any contestant.

And then it was time.

We began marching in place before we’d even been announced, the ramp boomed to our rhythm like a drumhead and you could feel the audience swiveling its gaze in our direction. The judges, actor Peter David and comics artist George Perez, practically did a double-take when they turned to look at us and barely choked out our act’s name.

But when those words “Cardboard Stormtroopers” did come out, the place EXPLODED!! Our reputation may have preceded us… I think our “street cred” had been established from our march in the parade.

I was too busy concentrating on trying not to screw up my portion of our rudimentary choreography so I didn’t have an opportunity to study the faces of the audience. But the cheering was incredible. Not just because it was an ego boost for four idiots running around in cardboard boxes, but because it was exactly the reaction I’d imagined for my characters when I’d written my screenplay. How many writers get to live out their own stories after they’ve been written?

I won’t know how terrible our choreography was until I get a copy of the 2006 DVD but I suspect it was pretty miserable; it’s pretty darned difficult to see out of those boxes.

We didn’t win anything, which isn’t really surprising as there wasn’t a category for Best Cardboard Characters. Still, the guys were really bummed out until we went onstage for the post-contest photo opportunity and were surrounded by a hundred people with cameras snapping their photos. I’m particularly amused at how our “anti-costumes” had become an ego trip for us in two short days, circumventing any notion that these boxes could simply be an ironic statement about the people (my people mind you) who spend so much time making costumes.

We’d been seduced by celebrity, or the nearest thing to celebrity within three city blocks of DragonCon.

Everywhere we went that night there was clapping, cheering, shouts of “You were robbed!” and endless requests for photographs (even in the restroom).

At the entrance to the Marriott Marquis we were once again marching in quickstep, box heads rattling, cardboard tubes thumping. As we emerged into full view in the crowded atrium a roar went up, echoing throughout the belly of that beautiful beast and fueling our egos far more than they deserved, but once you start it’s hard to know when to quit. It didn’t help when a guy stopped by to tell us that we’d been on the 11 o’clock news a few minutes earlier.

Todd decided to go up to the Stargate party to check out the food while the rest of us went downstairs to run around and act crazy. We rounded the corner and pulled up short, trying to decide what to do. One of the photographers spotted us and pointed to our right saying “Oh man, you’ve got to do it!” which meant that he wanted us to go and pose for him with three Darth Vaders, a couple of 501st Stormtroopers and a Darth Maul. The 20 other photographers with him quickly agreed and the crowd between us and the legitimate Star Wars costumers parted like the Red Sea.

As we stood staring at them Elliott said:
“THIS is the uncomfortable moment we were talking about.”

I tried waving at them, friendly-like. Some of them waved back and the Darth Vader (one on the left) gave me a thumbs-up, a good sign. I pointed at them, then I pointed at myself, then I pointed at them; this being the intergalactic sign for “You and Me? Get together?” for which I was rewarded with a “come on over” gesture.

The photographers were grinning from ear to ear as they snapped away. I’m fairly sure that there weren’t many people there who weren’t grinning, it was far too funny.

Ten minutes and one offer to see a woman’s breasts later, we found ourselves back upstairs on the way to a sports bar called Champions there inside the Marriott. Before we could go in we ran into a guy who inquired after our missing trooper (Todd), whereupon he spotted Todd wandering around by himself two floors below. It turns out that while Todd found lots of food in the Star-Gate party room, he couldn’t eat any of it because his box head was taped to his box body. Thus defeated, he’d come back downstairs trying to find us.

The good Samaritan turned to us, said “Stay right there by the rail” and turned back to the crowded atrium and shouted “Find the lost cardboard trooper!!” and by “shouted” I mean his voice rang up and down through the towering atrium. This wasn’t just any good Samaritan, this was Crazy Shouting Guy! Throughout the hotel people turned to look at Crazy Shouting Guy. Then he yelled louder: “Find the missing cardboard trooper!!” and pointed to the three of us.

Beside me I heard Elliott or Alfeo say “Oh, we’re going to get in trouble with Security!”

But in that same instant the people got it.

Two floors below, somebody grabbed Todd and tilted him back so he could see up to where we were (his being the only costume with the head permanently attached), whereupon our missing cardboard trooper began making his way up the two escalators separating us. With hundreds of people watching, laughing and cheering, we found ourselves suddenly cast in a bit of improv street theater by Crazy Shouting Guy!

I jumped up and down in theatrical excitement as Todd climbed the first escalator, my box helmet bouncing up and down. Suddenly inspired, I turned and lumbered around the edge of the balcony toward the top of the second escalator, past a security guy who was very likely headed around toward Crazy Shouting Guy. Seconds later I ran into Todd just as he arrived at the top. Elliott and Alfeo were close behind, slamming into us with a great big cardboard group hug. You just can’t write this stuff.

We finished up the evening with a celebratory pitcher of water just a table down from some of the folks from the show Mythbusters, none of whom I knew since I don’t have cable. Old wounds were re-opened when one of the judges from the masquerade told some of our guys that we’d been given perfect scores by some of the judges. By that time though I think that their disappointment had been tempered by the continued strong reaction of the fans and by the dawning realization that they might have, as Alfeo said, “Become a part of the legend of DragonCon.”

Which was the entire idea.

As we de-boxed ourselves back at the cars I noticed that we were all very careful to hang onto the cardboard boxes we had cavalierly discussed throwing into the recycling bin after everything was over.

It’s hard to let go of fame.

Edit: I’ve added screenshots from the Channel 46 spot that featured Alfeo and me!

This is Alfeo discussing how shallow he is.

Here I am explaining how we can repair our suits with tape:

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We will march, eat and drink alongside the stormtroopers until we are too tired, too bored or too beaten-up to continue. Odds are on that last choice, so you might want to wear some bubble wrap inside your costume. Please note that it is imperative that you bring some sort of cardboard tube with you as it will represent your Imperial Blaster, a weapon famed for its inaccuracy.

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Of course Alice was making fun of how I put everything on my website, but what the heck.

It was especially created for the crew of a movie that I’ve been calling “We Are Interns” and you can download it now by clicking here. You may also find it permanently available in the downloads section of this website. It’s a PDF document about 1.6MB in size and it’s the first LowTide I’ve made in over two years.

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If I followed the model of “tenacity” I’d have “precacity”, which sounded vaguely enough like 70’s teen heartthrob Shawn Cassidy that I wrote it off immediately. Besides, it doesn’t have that whole “ko-shess” thing happening in it which is part of the fun of the word precocious. Still, this word I was inventing seemed to want “city” at the end because that’s a top dollar state-of-being suffix in my book and I spare no expense when making up words.

“Precociouscity” is just terrible to look at and a bitch to sound out. Here’s a phonetic spelling, try saying it out loud: pre-ko-shuss-city. There, that worked… but it’s a slippery word and I kept transposing the letters all over the place. By the time I got home I had changed it into “Pres-ka-sha-city”, which I could remember so much easier.

“PRES-KA-SHA-CITY” is actually kind of catchy and has a nice bite to it as you say it. It even makes your nose wiggle when you say it which is exceedingly precocious if you asked me. It is even more precocious to use a made up word in public, which I am hereby encouraging you to try RIGHT NOW.

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Update as of December 7, 2009: The Film-GA website went into dormancy during the fight for tax incentives and has only recently reemerged. The profiles mentioned in this article have been pulled for the time being and will likely be re-introduced as featured posts about Georgians working in the motion picture industry.

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