I was recently surprised to find myself blurting out the name “Oscar Goldman” to the television. As this is not something I typically do I feel it important to explain that I was (finally) watching the film “The 40 Year Old Virgin“. In the movie there is a scene in which the main character explains the importance of one of the hundreds of collectible toys lining the walls of his apartment. In this case it was a bland looking doll wearing a garish sports jacket; the epitome of 1970s men’s fashion and I recognized it without hesitation.

That little guy was Oscar Goldman, the boss of Steve Austin, aka “The Six Million Dollar Man“. Take a look:

As you may suspect, I not only knew who Oscar Goldman was, I had my very own Oscar Goldman toy as a kid… complete with the exploding briefcase seen in Jim Emmon’s video (above).

It’s important that I point out that The Six Million Dollar Man wasn’t just a formulaic episodic television show from the mid-1970s, it was a glimpse into a future in which the notion of “handicapped” had been redefined to mean “bad ass” for an entire generation of kids. We left the 1970s believing that nearly any physical handicap could be overcome through the proper application of high technology combined with enormous stacks of money (never mind that we also believed that giant robotic Sasquatches roamed the Pacific Northwest).

When word got out that Kenner was releasing a Steve Austin doll it immediately shot to the top of my Christmas list. This doll would be a game-changer!! It had a telescope for an eye, an arm that could lift practically anything so long as you kept jabbing the big red ratchet on the doll’s back, and (even better), you could roll back the skin on his arm to reveal the bionic circuitry beneath. This was the sort of doll that proved you were living in the future and I absolutely had to have one.

What I didn’t count on was that my parents might not be able to find me a Bionic Man action figure anywhere in town because every kid my age had asked for the same damned toy. Every store was sold out so they came up with a Plan B…. guess what I received instead…

I received a Mike Power “Atomic Man” action figure, made by the GI Joe people, who were committed to cashing in on the bionic fever sweeping the land. Their strategy was to crank out a GI Joe figure with prosthetic limbs. Good old Mike Power had one clear arm, one clear leg, two kung-fu grip hands, and one eyeball which did not function so much as a telescope but rather as a signal mirror. His right hand was articulated so that it could spin a “personal helicopter blade”… but it really didn’t help much.

This “counterfeit Six Million Dollar Man” had zero curb appeal.

The thing was a complete dud in my eyes… more of an “acrylic man” than an “atomic man”…. check out this video and see what you think….

Needless to say that I was let down a bit, but a week or two after Christmas I did eventually receive my own Steve Austin doll and later on an Oscar Goldman doll complete with exploding briefcase.

And yes, if you must pry… I still have all of them.

Shut up.
Shut the Hell up.

(For all you folks who grew up in the 70s and 80s you really need to visit Sean’s site ToysYouHad.com for a great trip into yesteryear)

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Last week our friend Bob announced that he was going to sell a few old Star Wars toys he had laying around his house. This of course piqued my interest, as I’m one of those millions of children who were imprinted with the plans for the Death Star back in the summer of 1977. Like many of those kids, my formative years were spent poring over pre-production illustrations by Ralph McQuarrie and building my own models of the ships out of balsa wood and styrene. Looking back, I thought that I had a pretty great collection of lovingly-used, carefully-protected toys and memorabilia packed away into boxes and sent off for storage.

I was so wrong.

What I’m leaving out is that “our friend Bob” is better known in Star Wars fan circles as “VaderPainter“; one of the premiere Darth Vader costumers in the nation. His Darth Vader costume has its own custom-made road case… something you’d expect to see during a load-in for a KISS concert. It has custom-cut foam receivers for Vader’s helmet. It has casters. It has reinforced sides and custom silkscreened artwork on the outside. It’s totally Rock-n-Roll, and it’s totally ready for tour… which is exactly what Bob uses if for because he has appeared all over the place as Vader and has more Imperial Stormtrooper friends than you can shake a gaffi stick at.

Knowing how seriously he takes his costuming it should have come as no surprise that his Star Wars collection might be “above average”.

What it turned out to be though is “beyond imagination“.

Bob’s house is a realization of every Star Wars toy collector’s dream: shelves and shelves and shelves and shelves filled with figures and spaceships and books and models and replica costumes and helmets and…….. there were so many toys and figures on hand that I honestly had a difficult time focusing on any one item because there were five more things right beside it that I wanted to see. I kept finding myself staring with my mouth open at things I’d only ever seen in magazines, like an art student walking through the Louvre admiring the care given to each piece of art on display. Just incredible.

The video I’ve posted here is of Captain Matt of ThePirateShip.com being given a personal tour of the collection by VaderPainter himself. Enjoy!

After yesterday’s visit to Bob’s sale I have to tell you: my collection is a joke. And I’m okay with that. In fact, I’m more than a bit relieved because now I won’t have to build a Star Wars museum of my own. As we were driving away my 78 year old Dad said “That’s the first time I’ve ever seen a toy store in a house.”

Right on.

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The article lists several intriguing new toys, all of which you should hurriedly send to your pal Drew, especially the sonic screwdriver.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/tv_and_radio/4222493.stm

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